When we think of a ‘negotiation’ we might picture two people sitting opposite each other at a table. A car salesperson and a customer discussing terms in a forecourt. Two people in business attire, arguing over phone call.
But, increasingly, we all negotiate by email.
When you message customer services, contact a potential service provider or try to reach an agreement with a colleague? All negotiations. Even sales emails are negotiation!
And negotiating by email is not the same as negotiating in person or by phone or video call.
How is email negotiation different?
A big factor in text-based negotiation is the delay. Between messages, your counterpart has time to think deeply about your message, research your claims and consult with others.
This might sound like a disadvantage at first – but you can do the same. And now that you're aware of this unique opportunity to negotiate slowly, you are likely to take better advantage of it than your counterpart does.
There are other differences, too. A lack of tone of voice and facial expressions might lead to you and your counterpart perceiving the conversation in very different ways. What you think of as ‘friendly’ might be read as ‘flippant’.
And while of course it's possible to record telephone and in-person conversations, it's not as easy as screenshotting or hitting ‘forward’ on an email. People can be Bcc’ed into a message and privy to the whole conversation without your knowledge. And when you delete an email, it’s never really ‘gone’.
Key principles of email negotiation
In any negotiation that goes beyond one simple interaction, trust is key. And people struggle to trust someone until they like them. The dream scenario where you have a few email exchanges to build trust is not going to happen most of the time. But keep in mind the principle of ‘liking before trust, and trust before negotiation’.
One way to do this is to set yourself ‘micro objectives’ – no more than three small goals to achieve in each communication. Plan them out to avoid the temptation to get to rush things.
For example, let's say your main goal is to become a supplier for a small local business you admire. Your micro-objective for the first email exchange might be to find out if you have the name of the right person to speak with, and make a good first impression.
Don't try to do something like arranging a call so early on. This this would require trust from them – trust that you’re not wasting their time, or only talking to them for your own benefit. It might seem strange to say that you aren’t only talking to them for your own benefit as you’re ultimately after a contract! But your enthusiasm for their business and your (hopefully!) relevant services are a benefit to them, too.
To build trust quickly, reference a third party you both hold in high regard, such as a mutual friend. It's particularly powerful if that third party can make the email introduction. If not, mentioning that connection can still help your case.
Even a shared interest or experience can help to build rapport. But bear in mind, it will be obvious you’re trying to ‘win them over’ if one of your five-ish sentences is about something entirely unrelated!
Ask ‘how’ questions and refer to you and the other person as ‘we’: “How can we work together on this?” or “How can we find an agreeable solution that enables me to maintain X while you achieve Y?”. This is far more effective than “Do you want to X?” or “How do you feel about Y?”, which are easy to back out of.
13 ways to excel at email negotiation
Sue Williams, Author of Negotiation Tactics, has shared 13 tips to remember when negotiating by email.
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Make sure the ‘sender’ is your name.
This is one of the only bits of information that is guaranteed to be seen and read by your counterpart. (You can’t negotiate if they don’t even open your message because they don’t know who it’s from.) -
Make your subject line count!
It's the equivalent of your greeting or first impression. Ensure it’s short enough that it fits into most inbox previews. Use a ‘hook’ that makes your counterpart want to know more. -
Confirm the next point of contact.
“Let me know by X” or “I’ll schedule a call for next week”. If you leave it hanging, it gives your counterpart an easy ‘out’. -
Be friendly and conciliatory.
If you view the negotiation as a way for you to work together to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome, your tone will reflect that. -
Time your message wisely.
Send the message when you believe it's most likely to get immediate attention. Once the notification has been dismissed and the message has fallen from the top spot in an inbox, it’s much easier to ignore (forever!). -
Keep it short.
Five sentences or less is perfect! This isn’t always possible, but it will increase your chances of getting a reply. -
Be honest. Always!
Facts can easily be checked. You’ll be surprised how easy it is to get caught out in seemingly water-tight lies. A single lie can destroy weeks or months of relationship building. -
Choose your words with care.
Positive, powerful words like success and achievement are engaging and will make you sound more confident. So-called ‘weasel words’ like quite, maybe, sometimes and perhaps can weaken your message and make it sound less interesting. -
Don’t criticise other people...
... Even people who aren't part of the conversation. Yes, even if your counterpart shares your opinion. It reflects badly on you. Besides, you don't know who it will be seen by or shared with! -
Ask no more than two questions (three, if you count "How are you?").
People are likely to reply to the first and/or last question they read and ignore the rest! End on a question to invite a reply. If you have used up your question allowance by that point, use a statement like "Looking forward to hearing your input" to encourage them to respond. And if you need a bunch of questions answered, include them as a numbered list. Hopefully, your counterpart will copy and paste them into their reply and answer them all. -
Don't try to resolve disagreements or misunderstandings by email. Call them!
This shows you are taking it seriously, and prevents further miscommunications by allowing you to use tone of voice. -
Use descriptive words to show emotion.
Emotion is harder to show via email. In some situations where emotion is beneficial, spell it out using adjectives, stories and metaphors (“I was over the moon when you let me know I am on the shortlist!"). -
Don't rush things.
You can side-step some social niceties when communicating by email. That chat about your journeys before negotiations begin, for example. But don't jump straight into over-familiarity, criticisms or other interactions that it would usually take time to build up to in person. Avoid being more assertive than you would face-to-face*.
*Unless you struggle with face-to-face assertiveness! In that case, negotiating by email can help you to build confidence, or prevent you from getting a bad deal.
After your email negotiation
Even if you ended the negotiation over the phone or in person, email a summary of your discussion to your counterpart. It’s a good way to make sure you both share the same view of what has happened. It also creates a paper-trail of your conversation so they can’t change their mind (or the terms) later.
For your own benefit, keep a record of times where you’ve worked things out by email. Write down what approach you tried, if it worked and what you’d do differently in future. This will help you develop your negotiation skills and confidence.
Negotiating by email can be tricky, but there are some advantages if you know where to look! Keep practising and it may even become your preferred method.
One of the few newsletters I look forward to.
— Dave Cunningham, Head of DesignOps @ NHS
