When we think of a ‘negotiation’ we might picture two people sitting opposite each other at a table. Or a car salesperson and a customer discussing terms in a forecourt. Perhaps even two people in business attire, arguing over phone call.
But, increasingly, we all negotiate by email.
When you message customer services, contact a potential service provider or try to reach an agreement with a colleague by email, those are all negotiations. Even sales emails are a form of negotiation!
And negotiating by email is not the same as negotiating in person or by phone or video call.
How is email negotiation different?
One of the main differences between text-based negotiation vs voice, video or in person is the delay. Between messages, your counterpart can take time to think deeply about your message, research your claims and consult with others.
This might sound like a disadvantage at first – but you can do the same. And if you are aware of this unique opportunity to negotiate slowly, you are likely to take better advantage of it than your counterpart does.
There are other differences, too. A complete lack of tone of voice and no facial expressions to work with might lead to you and your counterpart perceiving the conversation in very different ways. What you think of as ‘friendly’ might come across as ‘flippant’.
And while it is, of course, possible to record telephone and in-person conversations, nothing is quite as easy as screenshotting or hitting ‘forward’ on an email. People can be BCc’ed into a message and privy to the whole conversation without your knowledge. And even if you delete an email, it’s not really ‘gone’.
Key principles of email negotiation
In any negotiation that goes beyond one simple interaction, trust is key. And people struggle to trust someone until they like them. Of course, the dream scenario where you have a few email exchanges to build liking and trust is not going to be reality most of the time. But keep the principle of ‘liking before trust, and trust before negotiation’ in mind.
One way to do this is to set yourself ‘micro objectives’. That is, up to three small goals to achieve in each communication. By planning these out, you avoid the temptation to get ahead of yourself and try to rush things.
For example, if your main goal is to become a supplier for a small local business you admire, your micro-objective for an initial email exchange might be to find out if you have the name of the right person to speak with, and perhaps to make a good first impression on them.
You wouldn’t choose something like arranging a call so early on, as this would require trust from them (e.g., trust that you’re not wasting their time, or only talking to them for your own benefit). It might seem strange to say that you aren’t only talking to them for your own benefit as you’re ultimately after a contract! But your enthusiasm for their business and (hopefully!) relevant services are a benefit to them, too.
A good way to shortcut the trust-building process is to reference a third party you both hold in high regard, such as a mutual friend. If that third party can make an email introduction, that is particularly powerful. If not, mentioning that connection can still help your case.
Even a shared interest or experience can help to build rapport. But bear in mind, it will be obvious you’re trying to ‘win them over’ if one of your five-ish sentences is about something entirely unrelated!
Ask ‘how’ questions and refer to you and the other person as ‘we’: “How can we work together on this?” or “How can we find an agreeable solution that enables me to maintain X while you achieve Y?”. This is far more effective than “Do you want to X?” or “How do you feel about Y?”, which are easy to back out of.
How to excel at email negotiation
The Author of Negotiation Tactics has shared 13 tips to remember when negotiating by email.
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Make sure the ‘sender’ is your name.
This is one of the only bits of information that is guaranteed to be seen and read by your counterpart (and you can’t negotiate if they don’t even open your message because they don’t know who it’s from). -
Make your subject line count!
It's the equivalent of your greeting or first impression. Ensure it’s short enough that it fits into most inbox previews, and use a ‘hook’ that makes your counterpart want to know more. -
Always confirm the next point of contact in your message.
“Let me know by X” or “I’ll schedule a call for next week”. If you leave it hanging, it gives your counterpart an easy ‘out’. -
Always be friendly and conciliatory.
If you view the negotiation as a way for you to work together to achieve a mutually beneficial outcome, your tone will reflect that. -
Choose your message timing wisely.
Send the message when you believe it is most likely to get immediate attention. Once the notification has been dismissed and the message has fallen from the top spot in an inbox, it’s a lot easier to ignore (forever!). -
Keep it short.
Five sentences or less is perfect! This isn’t always possible, but it will increase your chances of getting a reply. -
Be honest. Always!
Facts can easily be checked and you’ll be surprised how easy it is to get caught out in seemingly water-tight lies. A single lie can destroy weeks or months of building up your relationship. -
Choose your words wisely.
Positive, powerful words like success and achievement are engaging and will make you sound more confident. So-called ‘weasel words’ like quite, maybe, sometimes and perhaps can weaken your message and make it sound uninteresting. -
Don’t criticise other people...
... Even people who are not included in the conversation, even if your counterpart shares your opinion. It reflects badly on your character. Besides, you never really know how it will be read – or who it will be seen by or shared with! -
Don’t ask more than two questions (three, if you count ‘How are you?’).
People are likely to reply to the first and/or last question they read and ignore the rest! Ending on a question invites a reply, too. If you have used up your question allowance by that point, use a statement like ‘Looking forward to hearing your input’ to encourage them to respond. And if you need a bunch of questions answered, include them as a numbered list. Hopefully, your counterpart will copy and paste them into their reply and answer them all. -
If there is a disagreement or misunderstanding don’t try to resolve it by email - call them!
The benefit of this is two-fold: it demonstrates you are taking it seriously, and it prevents further misunderstandings by allowing you to use tone of voice to support your communication. -
If you want to demonstrate emotion, use descriptive words.
Emotion is harder to show via email. This can be helpful, but in some situations (e.g., applying for something) you really have to spell it out using adjectives, stories and metaphors (“I was over the moon when you let me know I am on the shortlist!). -
Don't rush things.
You can side-step some customs, niceties and social obligations when communicating by email – that chat about your journeys over a coffee before negotiations begin, for example. But it can be really jarring if you jump straight into over-familiarity, criticisms or other interactions that it usually takes time to build up to in person. Avoid being more assertive than you would face-to-face*.
*Unless, of course, you struggle with assertiveness! In that case, negotiating by email can be a great way to build your confidence, or prevent you from getting a bad deal.
After an email negotiation
Even if you ended the negotiation over the phone or in person, email a summary of what you’ve discussed to your counterpart. It’s a good way to a) ensure you both share the same view of what has happened and b) create a paper-trail of your conversation so they can’t change their mind (or the terms) later.
For your own benefit, keep a record of times where you’ve had to work things out by email. Write down what approach you tried, if it worked and what you’d do differently in future. This will help you learn and develop your skills and confidence.
Negotiating by email can be challenging, but there are some advantages if you know where to look! Keep practising and it may even become your preferred method.
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