Two sisters were fighting over the last orange in the fruit bowl.
After a big argument (and some not-so-subtle tattling), their exasperated parent stepped in. To stop the bickering, they did the fairest thing possible: they cut the orange in half and gave a piece to each sister. Fair is fair, right?
But as it would turn out, one sister wanted the orange for it’s peel (to zest a cake). The other wanted the fruit to drink the juice.
Splitting the orange 50/50 seemed like a compromise. But in reality, neither got what they wanted.
That’s the risk with compromise. When it’s rushed, it seems fair on the surface but often leaves both sides short. But when it’s planned, with curiosity, clarity and a little bit of strategy, it can unlock better outcomes than either side expected.
This is what the Zest of Compromise from Negotiation Tactics is all about.
Let’s unpack this tactic – and learn how to stop slicing our oranges straight down the middle.
Assumptions are your enemy
Neither sister asked the other what they wanted. They just assumed they were in competition.
But if they’d spoken to each other, just for a moment, they’d have realised there was no conflict at all. Not only could they have avoided the argument, they could have both walked away with exactly what they wanted.
That’s the core of this tactic: before you rush to compromise, take time to understand what’s really at stake. What does the other person need? What are you both trying to achieve?
Most of the time, it’s not as opposed as it seems. But you’ll never know if you don’t ask. With the right questions and mindset, you’ll find a solution that lets both of you walk away smiling.
Let’s look at the steps you can take to get there…
Step 1: Work out what you and your counterpart will each gain from a favourable agreement
You want to launch your project. They’re pushing back, asking for more proof. On the surface, it looks like a clash between progress and caution.
But when you look closer, your goal is to move the project forward with impact. Their goal might not be to stall, but to protect their team’s time, their budget, or their reputation.
It’s easy to think you’re at odds. In reality, you both want success. You’re just defining it differently.
Often, what’s really at stake is something deeper: security, reputation, confidence, political capital. Your counterpart might want to look good in front of their boss. Or they’re trying to avoid blame. Or they want to feel like they’re being taken seriously for once.
Instead of trying to brute force a deal, slow things down. Get curious. What’s in this for you? What’s in this for them? Not just in terms of outcomes, but feelings, fears and motivations.
Even something as dry as a contract negotiation can reveal surprising drivers. Maybe they’re under pressure. Maybe this deal is make-or-break for their team. Either way, the more you understand why they want what they want, the easier it is to design a solution that fits.
So, now you know you need to figure out what your counterpart needs. Let’s look at how to go about uncovering
Step 2: Use open questions and Active Listening to confirm that your assumptions are correct
It’s one thing to guess at someone’s motives. But you need to check.
This is where most compromises go wrong. People assume they’re talking about the same thing. But unless you actively listen and reflect back what you’ve heard, you’ll end up solving the wrong problem.
Open questions help you get there:
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“What’s most important to you in all this?”
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“What would a successful outcome look like from your side?”
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“What concerns are you trying to avoid?”
But the real work comes in how you listen.
Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. Really listen. Summarise what they’ve said before responding, to give them time to clarify.
“Sounds like this is really about X. Is that right?” can be a powerful question to ask. It makes
Don’t guess. Confirm.
So now you know what your counterpart is looking for. Now it’s time for a mind-set shift.
Step 3: Assume a win-win outcome is possible.
Once you’ve uncovered what each side truly values, the conversation can shift. You’re no longer stuck choosing between two competing outcomes. You’re finding a fair deal, together.
This is where possibility opens up.
Let’s say you’re pitching a software project, and you assume the sticking point is price and prepare a slimmed-down version of your proposal with a discount. But during the meeting, the client keeps asking about reporting and timelines. That’s your clue: they’re less concerned about cost and more about how this project will reflect on them.
So instead of lowering your price, you offer weekly progress reports, a tailored case study with their name on it, and a reference from a similar client who saw quick wins. You’ve kept your full fee, but made it easier for them to feel confident, look good, and say yes.
Same offer. Same project. But now, it’s framed around what matters to them.
That’s the shift: from compromise to collaboration. You stop chipping away at your side of the deal and start building something both sides are excited to say yes to.
Step 4: If you’re stuck, bring in a neutral third party
Some compromises are harder to crack. Maybe emotions are running high, or the issues are too tangled to unpick alone. In those cases, it’s worth involving someone neutral—someone both sides trust to help move things forward.
That could be a manager, a shared colleague, or an external facilitator. The goal isn’t to take over the conversation, but to help reframe it. A good third party can ask different questions, surface hidden assumptions, and create space for a more productive exchange. Sometimes, that’s all it takes to find common ground again.
You can also use the Stalemate tactic from Negotiation Tactics. It gives you a structured way to regroup with your counterpart, identify what’s really blocking progress, and agree on what to do next—without losing momentum or damaging the relationship.
The best compromises don’t feel like compromises at all
The orange story isn’t really about fairness. It’s about attention. If everyone had stopped and asked the right questions, both sisters could have walked away with exactly what they needed.
That’s the real lesson of this tactic.
Don’t rush to split the difference. Don’t assume the other side wants what you want. And don’t settle for a “fair” compromise that leaves everyone quietly disappointed.
Instead:
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Get clear on the real gains for both sides.
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Ask questions. Confirm you’ve understood.
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Work together on a win-win solution.
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Offer smart, thoughtful concessions.
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And if needed, press pause or bring in support.
Compromise done well isn’t a sacrifice.
It’s a smarter way to get what you really want, and help someone else do the same.
Find out more about Negotiation Tactics: 54 powerful tactics to navigate high-stakes negotiations, command trust and respect, and secure outcomes that transform relationships, close game-changing deals, and elevate your career.
One of the few newsletters I look forward to.
— Dave Cunningham, Head of DesignOps @ NHS
